Revised Christmas Songs

(Here comes Santa Claus)

Here comes the mailman
Here comes the mailman
Down my long driveway

He’s bringing letters
Ads and flyers
And lots of bills to pay

Christmas shopping by computer
Can make your shopping trips light
But when you’re all done
And the bills come
Your credit card statement’s a fright

Revised Christmas songs

(Silver Bells)

Christmas snow, Christmas snow
Won’t grace my rooftop any year
Christmas snow, Christmas snow
In Florida does rarely appear

All the songs about Christmas
Seem to mention the snow
Or cuddling up by the fire
But in far south at Christmas
It rarely does snow –
It is seventy degrees or higher

Christmas snow, Christmas snow
Won’t grace my rooftop any year
Christmas snow, Christmas snow
In Florida does rarely appear

Revised Christmas songs

(Winter Wonderland)

Shoes on sale – are you buying?
Hat and gloves – are you trying?
It’s no fun to be broke
My accounts are a joke
Walking through the mall at Christmas time

Over here is a new bag
And look, see? There’s a sales tag
I’m setting it back
On the sales’ rack
Walking through the mall at Christmas time

If only I had come into a windfall
Then I could chuck my budget to the breeze
Maybe Santa will increase my savings
I wonder if I asked him “pretty please”?

Santa Claus is looking funny
Mall-wide stores want my money
With bells, lights and tree
This mall wants something from me
Walking through the mall at Christmas time

Revised Christmas songs

I did exercise a bit of literary license here. We don't have a suit of armor in the hall. We keep ours in the parlor (sitting room) because the hall is too narrow. :)

(Jingle Bells)

Santa hats, Santa hats
Dress up one and all
From cats, to dogs, to baby
To armor in the hall

The house was looking bleak
No green or red in sight
I thought I’d cheer it up
On this dreary night
So upstairs I searched
And Santa hats I found
Then I had the bright thought
Of passing them around

Santa hats, Santa hats
Dress up one and all
From cats, to dogs, to baby
To armor in the hall

Revised Christmas songs

When the tuxedo cat is not knocking over the the tree by attempting to drag his 19-pound body up it, our oversized puppy has a go at it by trying to rub against it -- and, yes, I do worry that she might think it is indoor plumbing.

(We wish you a Merry Christmas)

I wish we had left the tree down
I wish we had left the tree down
I wish we had left the tree down
It’s too tempting for “kids”

The cats, dog and boy
Like to scatter the joy

I wish we had left the tree down
It’s too tempting for kids

The cats like to climb its branches
The cats like to climb its branches
I wish we had left the tree down
It’s too tempting for “kids”

The dog tries to knock it over
The dog tries to knock it over
I wish we had left the tree down
It’s too tempting for “kids”

The boy likes to take the bells off
The boy likes to take the bells off
I wish we had left the tree down
It’s too tempting for kids

They all steal the shiny gold drums
They all steal the shiny gold drums
I wish we had left the tree down
It’s too tempting for kids

The cats, dog and boy
Think the tree is a toy

I wish we had left the tree down
It’s too tempting for kids

Revised Christmas songs

Our tuxedo cat has the most unfortunate marking of a white "C" on his otherwise black face. It gives him away in the tree all the time.

Revised Christmas Song
(Oh Christmas Tree)


Oh, Christmas cat, Oh Christmas cat
I see you hiding in the tree
Oh, Christmas cat, Oh Christmas cat
On your face is a big white “C”

Your fur is almost wholly black
Except your ruff, and paws front and back

Oh, Christmas cat, Oh Christmas cat
On your face is a big white “C”

Revised Christmas songs

Revised Christmas Song
(Jolly Old Saint Nicholas)

Silly little Sophie pup
Please don’t pull so hard
Yes, I see that house lit up
And a Santa in the yard

Santa Claus is rooted down
He’s in the yard to stay
Silly little Sophie pup
Won’t you please obey?